Will you ever be truly happy with yourself?

Just think about that question for a moment.

I know I often think about this when I'm fretting about my hair, my make-up or when I'm working out. There seems to be this ideal that we all strive for and it can't always be blamed on society, although it has a lot to do with it.

I remember before I had lost a lot of weight after I left high school I said to myself  "When I'm thin, I'll  be happy". Of course when I reached the goal weight that I had set when I started my diet and exercise, I set another goal to lose just a few more kilos. "Just another 2 kilos and I'll be happy, I'll stop" was what I would say.

I partly blame becoming obsessed with my weight and appearance on harsh words that were spoken to me everyday in High school, I came to loath my appearance and desperately wanted to change it.

This kind of obsessing about my appearance and wanting to be "happy with myself"  led me down the track of becoming border-line anorexic. It's taken me almost two years to realise being happy with yourself is not being happy with your physical appearance, or being accepted by others, it's accepting yourself for everything that you are. Regardless of your weight, if you're toned or not, the unevenness of your eyebrows, if you're tanned or the shape of your nose.

I honestly believed that becoming thin would instantly make me happy. It helped with my self-esteem slightly, but those problems are emotional, not physical.

So how do you become "happy with yourself" ?

Well, it's a MUCH harder task than you think. It is not something that you can simply snap your fingers and think "Yep, just accepted myself. Go me."  It takes time and constant small acts of love for yourself. Cheesy, yes I know. Sometimes it will make you feel like you're being a total tosser.

One of the things I found the hardest to get past when I started doing these small up-lifting acts of love is knowing that you're not being up-yourself or conceited by trying to love yourself.

I was raised to put others before myself and to never, under any circumstances toot my own horn and rub my talents or achievements in other's faces.

By no means am I blaming my parents for raising me this way, I applaud it actually. I took this way of thinking to the extreme, where I hated to talk about my achievements, you would literally have to force it out of me if you wanted to find out and I would feel terrible talking about it later. Compliments, for me, are also hard to accept and made me feel quite awkward, but I never said "No, im not". Out of politeness I'd flash an awkward smile and say thank you.

Now to the small acts of love, this can be anything, BUT it must be positive.

So, instead of saying " Good. God. What kind of harsh underworld has my hair been dragged through".

Say " Damn, I'm really rocking this whole bed-hair trend".  Own your small flaws, because they are what make you who you are. Such a cliché quote, but it's true.

Comparison is the worst thing you can do for your self-esteem, trust me.. I was stuck in that cycle and you don't come out loving yourself at the end of it. You will never be good enough if you compare yourself to the models you see in magazines or the film stars on tv because even they don't look like that. They have four hours of hair and make-up, personal trainers and photoshop. In-fact some models and actresses even pay-off photographers to only have their "perfect angle" published. Hence the no up the nose shots, double chins or in their sweats with no make-up.

My challenge to you is to at least start, with one act of love to yourself.  Write yourself a "love letter" listing all the things you love about yourself. It doesn't matter if you ever struggle to write one good thing about yourself.  Think about the positive things people have ever said about you. Do you have a nice smile? are you kind-hearted? Are you a good baker?

Every single person has multiple amazing things that are incredibly loveable about themselves, but sometimes we get so stuck in the comparison mode, which is what I will call it that we can't see the good, only the bad.

Break out of that comparison mode and start on the road to becoming happy with yourself.

So will you accept this challenge?

Infinite x's and o's

Elena