Things I would tell my younger self

 Whenever I'm asked the question "If you could change anything in your past, what would it be?" I usually say nothing. The outcome of my life and who I am would be completely different to the way they are now, even if just one little thing were to change.

I could always pick a painful memory to remove from my history, but those lessons and painful experiences in my past have made me the person I am, even though I can't always see the reason why they happened, they changed me.

When I was tagged to do this blog post, I started thinking that maybe, If i could go back in time and change something. I would simply hand my younger self a letter of advice instead of trying to stop a particular incident from happening.

So, here is my letter of advice/tips to my younger self:

1. It's ok to feel.

In your diary you wrote " If I allowed myself to feel, everything that has happened will catch up with me and i'll drown in a sea of grief and pain".  How can you learn to swim if you're not in the water?  Don't be the grinch, stop denying your emotions, feel them! The longer you deny your emotions the harder it will be to deal with later. It's ok to cry, sometimes that's the best way to heal.  Even someone who seems like the strongest person emotionally, still has moments where they completely break down from grief. It's how you pick yourself up afterwards that matters. Always get back up again. 

2. Some things are just out of your control:

Don't dwell on the things that have happened if you can't fix it or change them, just stop. You'll save yourself a lot of anxiety, stress and sadness. Accept that they happened and focus on how you can improve yourself. Mistakes are part of life, and everyone makes them, they're how you learn.

3. Say what you're thinking, go on, do it!

Stop thinking about how you will be perceived and what people will think of you. Speak your mind, stand up for yourself and the things you believe in. Confront the people that have done you wrong, accept no shit! Don't be so easily defined.

4. Talk to someone, ask for help. 

Stubborn as rock, you never ask for help or tell anyone what your going through. Honestly, how much heart-ache can you have save yourself if you just tell someone. You're too afraid of getting judged or accused of being a lying attention seeker. Even though not everyone will believe you, someone will. Best to share these things, you could save yourself a lot of pain and anxiety down the track.

5. Someones inability to see your worth, does NOT mean you are worthless.

You're all you have, don't give up on yourself so easily. Life is hard, but there are so many beautiful moments that are worth staying alive for.  Just because some people can't see how worthy you are or treat you as you should be treated. That is not a reflection on who you are, it is a reflection on who they are. Ugly hearts do ugly things.

6. Ditch the toxic relationships

You know when you are compromising your morals and doing things you promised yourself would never do. If they were your real friends, they wouldn't ask you to compromise who you are. Even if you can't see now how toxic these relationships are, look at the person you have become, are you proud?

7. You can't have everything perfectly planned out and thats ok. 

You don't know who you are or what you want to be and that's ok. You don't need to, you have plenty of time to figure that out. Just follow something you love doing and if that doesn't work out, follow something else.  You are capable of doing anything you want if you set your mind to it. There is no blue-print to how you live your life. Not everything will always be perfect or go to plan.  It's also ok to do some things simply because you love and enjoy them.

8.Don't wish away your childhood and youth wishing you were older
Be a kid! Stop trying to grow up and act mature, it's not all it's cracked up to be.

9. Dont believe everything you think.
Your mind can be your own worst enemy. Don't believe every thought that comes into your head, the majority of them are complete lies.

10. Live your life, have fun, enjoy the small moments.

Stop worrying about how you'll look to the people around you.  You only have one life, don't live it fearing what other people will think of you. Have fun! Live a little. You will be filled with more regret from the things you didn't do, than the things you did.  Sometimes it's perfectly fine to look like a complete idiot when you're having fun.

There are so many more things I would tell my younger self if it were possible.  I read a quote on Tumblr the other day that said "Be the person you needed when you were younger"  that really spoke to me.  Even though it's not possible for us to go back in time and talk to our younger selves,  we can still try to help and be there for the younger generations.

Infinite x's and o's

Elena

My week in photos #3

Workers boots

Sunset on the bridge

Our house that we are currently renovating has amazing detailing on the roof. 

A hidden gem between all the rubble 

The wallpaper in the hallway

Tried being artsy with my reflection in the window (before I had to clean it) 

Path to a park next door

Aslan

Hope you're all having an excellent week!

Infinite x's and o's,

Elena 

Will you ever be truly happy with yourself?

Just think about that question for a moment.

I know I often think about this when I'm fretting about my hair, my make-up or when I'm working out. There seems to be this ideal that we all strive for and it can't always be blamed on society, although it has a lot to do with it.

I remember before I had lost a lot of weight after I left high school I said to myself  "When I'm thin, I'll  be happy". Of course when I reached the goal weight that I had set when I started my diet and exercise, I set another goal to lose just a few more kilos. "Just another 2 kilos and I'll be happy, I'll stop" was what I would say.

I partly blame becoming obsessed with my weight and appearance on harsh words that were spoken to me everyday in High school, I came to loath my appearance and desperately wanted to change it.

This kind of obsessing about my appearance and wanting to be "happy with myself"  led me down the track of becoming border-line anorexic. It's taken me almost two years to realise being happy with yourself is not being happy with your physical appearance, or being accepted by others, it's accepting yourself for everything that you are. Regardless of your weight, if you're toned or not, the unevenness of your eyebrows, if you're tanned or the shape of your nose.

I honestly believed that becoming thin would instantly make me happy. It helped with my self-esteem slightly, but those problems are emotional, not physical.

So how do you become "happy with yourself" ?

Well, it's a MUCH harder task than you think. It is not something that you can simply snap your fingers and think "Yep, just accepted myself. Go me."  It takes time and constant small acts of love for yourself. Cheesy, yes I know. Sometimes it will make you feel like you're being a total tosser.

One of the things I found the hardest to get past when I started doing these small up-lifting acts of love is knowing that you're not being up-yourself or conceited by trying to love yourself.

I was raised to put others before myself and to never, under any circumstances toot my own horn and rub my talents or achievements in other's faces.

By no means am I blaming my parents for raising me this way, I applaud it actually. I took this way of thinking to the extreme, where I hated to talk about my achievements, you would literally have to force it out of me if you wanted to find out and I would feel terrible talking about it later. Compliments, for me, are also hard to accept and made me feel quite awkward, but I never said "No, im not". Out of politeness I'd flash an awkward smile and say thank you.

Now to the small acts of love, this can be anything, BUT it must be positive.

So, instead of saying " Good. God. What kind of harsh underworld has my hair been dragged through".

Say " Damn, I'm really rocking this whole bed-hair trend".  Own your small flaws, because they are what make you who you are. Such a cliché quote, but it's true.

Comparison is the worst thing you can do for your self-esteem, trust me.. I was stuck in that cycle and you don't come out loving yourself at the end of it. You will never be good enough if you compare yourself to the models you see in magazines or the film stars on tv because even they don't look like that. They have four hours of hair and make-up, personal trainers and photoshop. In-fact some models and actresses even pay-off photographers to only have their "perfect angle" published. Hence the no up the nose shots, double chins or in their sweats with no make-up.

My challenge to you is to at least start, with one act of love to yourself.  Write yourself a "love letter" listing all the things you love about yourself. It doesn't matter if you ever struggle to write one good thing about yourself.  Think about the positive things people have ever said about you. Do you have a nice smile? are you kind-hearted? Are you a good baker?

Every single person has multiple amazing things that are incredibly loveable about themselves, but sometimes we get so stuck in the comparison mode, which is what I will call it that we can't see the good, only the bad.

Break out of that comparison mode and start on the road to becoming happy with yourself.

So will you accept this challenge?

Infinite x's and o's

Elena